OXBOW IN POLAND! WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT?
well the Poles have been wanting us to play a long time...for as long as we've been playing europe but the money's always been shitty...and then Greg was afraid...this time we will go because it seems that we hate playing switzerland enough so we have another country we could add in there and I want to go to the concentration camps...and the danger involved in playing a country where they might murder you for your shoes seems too good to pass up...

Actually that's less true than not. Digression: there's a classification of Oxbow listeners that puts even Oxbow members to shame with their tireless and seemingly fantastical and intuitive understanding of what the fuck it is that Oxbow does. In other words they know/understand Oxbow better than Oxbow understands Oxbow. I like having them around, especially when we play, because later I can have them explain to me what just happened. Example: Christopher Holden (no relation to William) drove with us to Austin to play the industry clusterfuck that is South By Southwest. A town completely gets its regional character draped over a barrel and sodomized by guys in black t-shirts and girls with pierced navels. Holden, whose great band Double U had a show the next day and so he had to fly back right after the show with no financial offset from the penurious Oxbow, came along to see Oxbow shake off the cobwebs and play their music live for the first time in months.

Dan invites sodomy

Greg salutes his mother

A strange mood prevailed. Driving and not sleeping contributed. Plus I've stopped eating. Don't ask why but I've decided to redefine my relationship to food by stopping eating. I eat one meal a day, if that. At first it was to lose weight for this fight I had (ultimate fighting saved my life... I think) but became a habit. But the next time any of you see Oxbow I will have started eating again and should be back to 245 pounds of bruising, rapacious energy, but for this show I was damned near fasting. And not sleeping. And driving. The combination had me almost swinging on a 27-year old homeless fuck who asked for money and after hearing my very typical "sorry, no" responded with a "you're not sorry." I told him that I didn't give a fuck whether he lived or died and while I wouldn't give any money I'd let him blow me for free. It's my earnest believe that if you're able-bodied and young AND homeless that perhaps a change of locale might help. Barring that I'd look to street crime and finally prostitution. There are just better ways of making cash than cringing for it.

Anyways I was in a strange mood. I always enacted my first "Stay Sane Strategem" (SSS). This involves making the live music experience much better for me. And it goes thusly:
1) We show up at a show and are typically greeted by a phalanx of angry and disinterested men in their 20s in t-shirts.
2) Invariably one of these men will seek me out to
a) try to explain something to me
b) greet me
c) scream at me about where the van is parked
d) all of the above
3) I had grown adept at pointing them toward Manuel (http://www.splatterpromotion.com) if we're playing Europe (which also involves employing the aggressive use of The Language Barrier) or Chikako if we're playing Japan. But in the US I was stuck (perhaps a reason why we played here so infrequently.
4) I grow increasingly morose at the stultifying sameness of the routine. Rollins whines about rock show as athletic event but he never goes into the real killers here: having to say the same thing 1000 times to the same guy. Because you know what? They're all the sa


5) To combat this I employ "translators". People who look much more interesting to me than whomever I'm having to speak to. After having spotted several translators by way of several women in shorts skirts I advise The Sound/Stage/Club Guy that he should tell her to tell me. He'll ask why and I'll say "because she's our manager and I have to go to the bathroom right now." He shuffles off and says to her something along the lines of "heyŠtell your singer he needs to move the van." She comes to me and says "the sound/stage/club guy says to move your van." I say, "yeah sure. How's it going?" It should be noted that the translators are not always women in short skirts. Being that I have an affection for very fat men I can start employing jolly fat men as translators. The possibilities are endless.

In any case the strange mood persists and we play and there's murk and audience fear and the whole overridingly awful sense that we're all witnessing something fundamentally incorrect. In other words, it was a good show. But Oxbow listener extraordinaire Hold
in t
antheon of greats his name occurs next to other noteworthy Oxbow Listeners Tim Morse, Nick Blakely, Dan Melnick, and Chika SagawaŠI say noteworthy because they've enjoyed Oxbow at the running risk of personal peril) gives me the grimace that says that my bon vivant chick chatting tactic has made the show not dissimilar to say, aŠwho is that men's room fellator that used to be a big heart throb? Oh yeah, George Michael. Who incidentally I expressed a musical appreciation for in a totally unironic wayŠso unironic that Holden threatened to stop the van and make me walk it off. I promised to start abusing steroids again to regain entry, but here his face says it again. He likes/liked the fighter, not the lover.

Fuck it. He'll get whatever we're good and goddamned ready to give. In any case this brings around to Blakely and Morse's efforts to get us to tour the US, albeit in a protracted form.

Promoter at Load In (PALI): Yup... we were packed!... Last night I mean. Anyway you're gonna have to move your van.

Oxbow: Go tell that woman over there where we should put it. The van I mean.

PALI: You mean my wife?

Oxbow: Is your wife the one with those angel bow lips?

PALI: Heyyyy!!!

Oxbow: Well anyway tell her and she can tell me where to park the van.

SHOW: 35 psychotically into it fans stay and tell us later that "yeah this town sucksŠyou should have been here last night though."

Promoter at Load Out (PALO): Well it wasn't such a good night.

(here it comes)

PALO: So we're a little short.

Oxbow: There's only $80 here.

PALO: Well nobody showed up. And I had to spend money on the 20 flyers I put up.

Oxbow: You will pay us $100 or in a matter of minutes you and I will be fighting.

PALO: Okay. I just want you to know this is coming out of my pocket.

Oxbow: Versus what?

We are, as of press time, undecided about whether or not we'll subject ourselves to this experiment in soul crushing.

We entered the name Oxbow onto every Lonely Hearts site that we can find. Here's one of Oxbow's erstwhile suitors. Will there be a Love Connection? We can only hope.

"Am just going to say hi for now , i to see your responsel. My is lucky [its just a nick name ]. People of all races had been my love . [i guess your Smile won me over ] i work with a legal firm, that probably why iam typing with capitol Letter [forgive for that ]. I suppose iam like most people , looking for a Special kind of person [no fakes] I like to think romance is the key to true love if this out of your range I Understand . Also i like to talk so i limiit myself to a brief hellow. Write Rather you like this introduction or not [tell me if iam during alright]

A good guy,

Lucky"

Gibbs as "The Lodger"

Jarboe

My favorite moment

Jarboe After Having Really Read Some Oxbow Lyrics:

"Oooo...Eugene? These lyrics are...naaasssstttyyy."

oxbow Congratulations to you for being selected to showcase at SXSW 2001 !!!!!

thank you kindly....

Our company (Green Brothers Management) throws an annual party at SXSW every year that is attended by almost everyone who's anyone. We give away Bar-B-Que, refreshments and we put on about 18 to 20 acts from 2PM to 6PM on friday March 16th at Wateloo Brewery (on Guadalupe)... rules are, each act must be showcasing at SXSW, each act shares commonbackline, each act plays three songs or 12 minutes max, we catch you on stagewith a tuner you're tossed off.

hahah...this I'd like to see...

We treat this as a " Best of the Best" preview party, that is fast, furious and lots of fun. We invite you to submit material to us for consideration in performing at our event. We prefer CD format along with some biographical info that we can use if you are selected.

hmmm...I thought we were selected already?

We typically look for upbeat material for our event, given the party atmostphere of the format.

well we're as upbeat as a gun in the mouth...are you only asking Ska bands?

We hope to have all acts selected on or before March 2nd, so you will have time to promote this "preview" performance.

While bands are plugging in (3 Minutes between sets) we have a comic that acts as EmmCee, describing the upcoming act, telling where their full showcase can be seen, plus plugging the sponsors, etc... If you are selected we will also need your permission to use your name in our promotions, ads, and flyers.

this IF thing again...well I'd suggest you take a gander at http://www.theoxbow.com and ask yourself one question: would I want this band to fuck my wife?

The last few years have gone off without a hitch and attracts a lot of press and news media... mainly because our party looks like a party (packed), they can preview bands in one spot, if they don't like some one they go get free food because the next act is 10 minutes away. Each year we attract a headliner to help draw for the party. Last years' event was sponsored by Peavey, Jagermeister, BMI, eMusic.com and CocaCola.

oh...wowee...

Please submit your materials as soon as possible to:

we'll try...

Chuck Garabedian
Green Brothers Management
191 Chandler Road
Andover, MA 01810

Tel: 978-688-4635
Fax: 978-688-3980

if you need to call us suddenly...urgently...and need something large and substantial placed into your rectum, please call us at 800-742-6048.

cheers, ER/Oxbow

What We're Especially Fond of This Month

*Girls that write sad poetry (Nick Cave fans will do)
*Cleo Laine
*George Michael!
*Tim "Love" Lee
*The Fucking Champs, God Speed You Black Emperor, Gene Pitney, Micheal Gira

What We Despise

*Ourselves!

"Eugene, Do you think PJ Harvey is a good fuck?" (Tim Morse)

"i've been wondering about that for a long time...i asked albini and he got all uncharacteristically shy...which means he just wanted us to THINK he had fucked her...though he did describe her as "the best looking ugly girl" he knew...but i wonder about her sack skills...I tend to think she's as good as any rock star...which is not very...they spend their professional careers pleasing others in a totally sometimes artificial environment...would she be able to put out in the sack? or would she say..."i'm on my break...entertain ME."? unknown by me at least...my sage guess is that like any woman her being good is largely dependent on who she's fucking and how into she is...

so to sum up: i should be fucking her.

Cheers,
Eugene"



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